things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
