So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
where are my eyebrows?
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