One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
