i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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