my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This girl is more easily done than said...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
