I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
