hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
