Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
