dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I understand Curling. That high.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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