Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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