I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
