Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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