No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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