I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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