We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
