I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
