why didn't you poke me back
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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