I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
