After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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