our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
