My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
