Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
