words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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