Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
this hospital has no fireball
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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