sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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