I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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