Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
