i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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