I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
