I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
