At least make sure they are 18
Why
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
