I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
