I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
