We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
