i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
