so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
