I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
