i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
