help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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