Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
