omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
