im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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