Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i think im in europe. pls send help
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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