the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
