I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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