I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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