Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
