She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
