This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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