hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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