Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
