Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
