True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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