You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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