a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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