he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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