You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
